Things Are Going....Swimmingly.

Now that J is home (yay!),  things are running right along at home. We have a rhythm going. 
The Baby Banana is as adorable as it is possible to be.  Baby Banana relishes the attention of the Littles and so they pour it on.  They jump along with the jumper (in fact Little One is the one who taught BB to jump!) they bring soft toys to jingle, and help BB practice babbles and silly faces.  Little One sits in front when BB does tummy time and gently pulls BB onto Her lap.  BB curls up and rests on Her thigh, sucks on those fingers and coos.  Little One melts.  She croons- "Oh baaaby, pretty baaaby, you are so sweeeet.  You are a daaaarling, a wonderful baaaaby.  How I love you! Sweet angel baaaaby!" BB is sleeping.  She melts again.
Missy asks to hold BB in Her lap.  I prop them up together on the couch; BB is almost as big as She is.  Miss looks like a proud mother hen.  "Look I'm so big gul! I a Momma! I can be so gentle see?  I can do a good job!  Hi baby! You my friend?  I think baby say yes, Mommy!"
Little Banana seems a bit younger, but is just Missy's age.  When they aren't having a standoff over who can be the Most Two, they play nicely; when Little One is around they are three peas in a pod.  Missy calls Little Banana "Friend", LB calls Missy "sis-er".  The two of them follow Little One around like ducklings, to Little One's great delight.  The baby dolls in this house are exquisitely cared for. 
Little Banana has been here long enough to begin settling in and testing me carefully. What if I say "no"? Lb wonders. What if I dangle this piece of turkey over the floor until I catch an eye, and then drop it?  What happens if I knock over Miss's milk?  Or take Her toy?  Or paint pictures on the glass with my snot?  Or refuse to eat- anything- and instead say "banana. cookie." over and over and over?  This is the nature of things.  There is an adjustment, a settling in.  A readjustment.  Typically Bananas aren't supposed to be with us long enough for that second phase. 
Since Little Mister is poised to hit this family like a precious, adorable wrecking ball in a swaddling blanket, we were only approved for short-term foster care placements.  However, there have been some twists and turns in the life story of these two particular bananas, and it appears they may be with us for some time. 
I'm sad about that, because foster care is no place for children.  I know it's an odd thing to say, but though the system is certainly better than nothing (I've seen places where there's Nothing; broken is drastically better than Nothing), it is still a mess.
I'm happy about it, because they are precious and despite the medical issues and the testing and all the car seat buckles (why has no one invented the self-buckling car seat?!) I like having them here.  It's fun having four- there are more snuggles and giggles.  I like them in particular; they are sweet little people I'm honored to know.
And then I'm sad about it again because as much as having four is fun, as much as I love these special bananas with all my heart already, taking care of them is not the hard part.  It's that broken system.  It's being constantly sent all over town to appointments which may or may not exist, with people who may or may not show up.  It's spending 3 hours every day on the phone with social workers and lawyers and various affiliated people who are all somehow involved in the Bananas' case, but who never seem to speak to each other, only to me.  ALL the time.  And they rarely agree. 
It's never being able to clean my house because there is always someone coming over to judge the cleanliness of my house.  It's being asked why I don't have them on a morning nap schedule by the same people who have insisted I drag all the children out to some meeting or doctor every. single. morning. since they have been here.  That stuff.  That's the stressful part.  A couple little kids, with or without some health issues, is no problem.  The kids are lovely.  It's the grown-ups, guys.  The grown-ups are driving me CRAZY. 
It's funny, but I had been prepared for the kids to be so much harder to deal with than any of them have been.  But, ignorantly I suppose, I was not prepared for the grown-ups to be so terribly frustrating and exhausting.  You have no idea how many times a day I want to send them to time-out. 
Instead, I am channeling my favorite cartoon fish (hey we all need a role model), and trying to just keep swimming, just keep swimming.  Luckily for me, J is my emotional life-vest as I swim, and he always gives me a little lift when I start to feel in over my head.  Luckily for me I have a few really, really good friends who have been there to help me along;
luckily my own Littles are such expert swimmers themselves that all I really have to do is try to keep up with them. 
And when it really starts to get to me, Baby Banana coos and gurgles at me with big, shiny eyes. Little Banana reaches for me and wants to sit and rock for awhile, hugging me tight.  My Littles climb up too, and for just a minute before they start to bug each other or get bored and run off to make messes, I stop swimming.  In fact, I'm floating. 
Long enough to catch my breath. Long enough to remember the Whys.  And then off we go again....swimming, just keep swimming.....