Four

A friend of mine pointed out recently that I had referenced my current brood as "four under four", when in fact that's not quite true.  Four four-and-under would be more accurate, and even that's only until next week.  Because Little One is about to be five. 
AH! How did it happen?!
But it's undeniable, especially since She seems to astound me with Her maturity almost constantly these days.  I don't just mean the part where She sneaks into my make-up and eye-shadows Herself every morning, or the part where She shamelessly flirts with the boys in Her class.  I shall choose to ignore those parts. 
I mean the way She looks after the littler Littles.  The way She says to me about the book She has worked on for weeks at school and couldn't wait to show me- "It's ok Baby Banana chewed it up, mom.  He's jus' a baby, he didn't know it was a special book.  The 'portant part is he didn't get choked on the paper, right?  I can make a new cover for it sometime."
It's the way She asks for extra veggies to be "healfy", the way She cleans up without being asked. 
It's the fact that when we talked about Her birthday party, all on Her own She asked if Her guests could bring donations for the homeless instead of presents.  Since "I'll probably get one from Nana and Grandma anyways, and I don't need too much more of stuffs than that.  But if people bring presents for the homeless people we see, we could give them things and they do need them.  I think I would like to do that better". 
It's seeing Her ride a bike with training wheels, it's working together on math each afternoon.  It is, sadly, the passing from memory of the afternoon nap.  And one more thing. 
Little One has learned to read.
Not just a few letters or a word or two.  To really read.
Every day at story time, and each night before bed, I read two books to the Littles, and, now, Little One reads us one.  She reads The Cat In The Hat, The Giving Tree, whatever we've found at the library this week. She reads with emotion and emphasis- I can hear the exclamation points in Her voice.  
I love it.  I'm not sure I've loved much in the world quite as much as I love hearing Her read.
She Herself has turned a key, opening a door which leads to, well, absolutely everything.  The whole wide world is there for Her now, just waiting for Her to discover it.  All of human knowledge and accomplishment is now at Her fingertips.  She can learn anything! She can travel limitless worlds of imagination and poetry.  She can arm Herself against anything, because there is an answer out there, and now no one can stop Her from finding it.
I feel that She has found wings, a shield, and a way to share the wonderful everything that is in Her own heart and mind.  There is nothing more powerful than words.  Now, Little One has them all at Her fingertips.  As a mother who worries (as we mothers do) I've found this to be one of the most reassuring events of my whole life. 
Watching Little One's babyhood slide into the scrapbooks is sad in some ways.  The hugs and cuddles are fewer and shorter.  My omnipotence is already fading.  Bummer on that one.  Her innocence becomes colored by an awareness of what others think, by an awareness of the ability to manipulate the truth.  Her disappointments are more real and run deeper.  Her questions become harder to answer.
But this new grown-up Little One is also a real, true help to me.  She has good ideas that work; She has interesting things to talk about.  She can be responsible, She can take care of Herself.  She is brave and compassionate and smart.  As much as I miss Her baby self, I'm proud of the little girl She's becoming, and lucky to have such a really fun, kind-hearted person in my life every day.
With Five around the bend, I only mourn the past a little bit.  If who She is now is any hint of who She will become, I'm as excited as an almost-five about to have a birthday party about the years ahead of us. Even if I do have to share my make up.