Being in Texas is exciting! It is so exciting! That it is really hard to go to sleep at the end of an exciting! day. The Littles and I have been going through an uncharacteristic battle at bedtime to get them to keep their Little buns in bed and go to sleep.
Instead of giggling until something crashes or someone gets annoyed and tattles/hollers/runs out onto the landing. Tonight I gave bedtime my best shot and came down to eat ice cream with my mom. A time-honored tradition that must not be interrupted! Because there will be meltage and then heads will roll people.
But as we were sitting down with our frosty bowls, there was a "creaaak....click!" And then another. I went on with my conversation (try to stop that steamroller amiright Peanuts?) but the sound continued and my mother's eyes became fixated on the landing behind me.
"Ahem". (My mom.) "You know, that's Miss out of Her bed. She keeps opening the door, peeking at us and then shutting it again". I called my Mom a tattletale, and instructed Her to ignore it until it stopped or we heard screaming, whichever came first.
Now, I know Miss was directly disobeying my very clear instructions to stay in bed. And I'm pretty strict about that kind of thing most of the time. But in the spirit of the pick-your-battles philosophy, I have a policy of occasionally looking the other way when my kids want to be sneaky.
Because, as I explained to my mom, everyone needs to stick it to the man sometimes. As long as no one gets hurt or bothered, as long as it isn't damaging any moral principle other than "because I said so", sometimes I acquiesce to a little bit of subversion.
I know, for example, that at home my Littles frequently pop back out of bed after being tucked in, and play or read or cuddle together for up to an hour before actually going to sleep. So what? They don't leave their room, they're pretty quiet since they think they're being sneaky, and in the end they put themselves to bed anyways. Plus they will sleep in later! So it doesn't bother me. Plus, there's a quality of bonding between siblings united against the rule of their parents that is much more valuable than my pride.
I also know that Miss sneaks out of bed at nap-time to gather books and sit up leafing through them before turning in. It does stretch out the nap period, but that's not always a bad thing. And if Her version of civil disobedience revolves around quiet reading, I'm all too happy to let it slide.
I've found a few nice side effects of this selectively-pushed-over parenting. For one thing, Little One knows that if it was harmless She probably won't get in trouble, or not much, for breaking a directive on the sly. So She pretty much always confesses, unprompted. It also self-resolves a lot of issues that could have become epic battles over relatively unimportant things.
Tonight, for example. After a little while Miss got bored of seeing whether She was really getting away with it, gave up and went to sleep. Without a word from me. Whereas I could have been up and down the stairs all evening getting frustrated over the fact that really, I can not make anyone go to sleep.
I have no idea if all this will horribly backfire someday, and I will end up with kids who think they can break all my rules as long as they're surreptitious about it. But it's my great hope that by giving them an inch, they won't feel such a need to take a mile when they are older and stakes get higher.
I'm hoping that if right now Little One can bring Herself to admit that She needs my comfort because She fell climbing to get something forbidden, that someday She'll be able to come to me when Her heart is broken by that boy we told Her not to see. Or when She needs a ride home from the party we told Her not to go to. I'm hoping that if Miss learns I let it slide if it's something harmless, She'll also learn that a good, hard, absolute NO is because there must be a darn good reason for it.
And. I'm hoping that they develop a will that belongs, in the end, to just them. Because I won't always be The Man in their world; someday there will be other authority figures and dominating personalities in their lives. When those days come, I want to know that they have honed an ability to sometimes do their own thing, to sometimes disobey rules if the rules aren't fair, to sometimes protest. As long as, like now, no one gets hurt and no important moral principles are damaged.
After all, history has taught us that for the sake of being independent and strong, and sometimes for the sake of something greater than yourself, there are times you have to stick it to The Man.
Instead of giggling until something crashes or someone gets annoyed and tattles/hollers/runs out onto the landing. Tonight I gave bedtime my best shot and came down to eat ice cream with my mom. A time-honored tradition that must not be interrupted! Because there will be meltage and then heads will roll people.
But as we were sitting down with our frosty bowls, there was a "creaaak....click!" And then another. I went on with my conversation (try to stop that steamroller amiright Peanuts?) but the sound continued and my mother's eyes became fixated on the landing behind me.
"Ahem". (My mom.) "You know, that's Miss out of Her bed. She keeps opening the door, peeking at us and then shutting it again". I called my Mom a tattletale, and instructed Her to ignore it until it stopped or we heard screaming, whichever came first.
Now, I know Miss was directly disobeying my very clear instructions to stay in bed. And I'm pretty strict about that kind of thing most of the time. But in the spirit of the pick-your-battles philosophy, I have a policy of occasionally looking the other way when my kids want to be sneaky.
Because, as I explained to my mom, everyone needs to stick it to the man sometimes. As long as no one gets hurt or bothered, as long as it isn't damaging any moral principle other than "because I said so", sometimes I acquiesce to a little bit of subversion.
I know, for example, that at home my Littles frequently pop back out of bed after being tucked in, and play or read or cuddle together for up to an hour before actually going to sleep. So what? They don't leave their room, they're pretty quiet since they think they're being sneaky, and in the end they put themselves to bed anyways. Plus they will sleep in later! So it doesn't bother me. Plus, there's a quality of bonding between siblings united against the rule of their parents that is much more valuable than my pride.
I also know that Miss sneaks out of bed at nap-time to gather books and sit up leafing through them before turning in. It does stretch out the nap period, but that's not always a bad thing. And if Her version of civil disobedience revolves around quiet reading, I'm all too happy to let it slide.
I've found a few nice side effects of this selectively-pushed-over parenting. For one thing, Little One knows that if it was harmless She probably won't get in trouble, or not much, for breaking a directive on the sly. So She pretty much always confesses, unprompted. It also self-resolves a lot of issues that could have become epic battles over relatively unimportant things.
Tonight, for example. After a little while Miss got bored of seeing whether She was really getting away with it, gave up and went to sleep. Without a word from me. Whereas I could have been up and down the stairs all evening getting frustrated over the fact that really, I can not make anyone go to sleep.
I have no idea if all this will horribly backfire someday, and I will end up with kids who think they can break all my rules as long as they're surreptitious about it. But it's my great hope that by giving them an inch, they won't feel such a need to take a mile when they are older and stakes get higher.
I'm hoping that if right now Little One can bring Herself to admit that She needs my comfort because She fell climbing to get something forbidden, that someday She'll be able to come to me when Her heart is broken by that boy we told Her not to see. Or when She needs a ride home from the party we told Her not to go to. I'm hoping that if Miss learns I let it slide if it's something harmless, She'll also learn that a good, hard, absolute NO is because there must be a darn good reason for it.
And. I'm hoping that they develop a will that belongs, in the end, to just them. Because I won't always be The Man in their world; someday there will be other authority figures and dominating personalities in their lives. When those days come, I want to know that they have honed an ability to sometimes do their own thing, to sometimes disobey rules if the rules aren't fair, to sometimes protest. As long as, like now, no one gets hurt and no important moral principles are damaged.
After all, history has taught us that for the sake of being independent and strong, and sometimes for the sake of something greater than yourself, there are times you have to stick it to The Man.
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