Signs I May Be In Over My Head

C: "Little One! You are so big! How did you get so big?!"

LO: "I not kno-ooow!"

C: "HEY! Wait a minute.  Did I tell you you could get so big? I don't remember saying you could get all big like this.  Did I say you were allowed?"

LO (giggling): "Nope.  You did NOT!"

C: "I knew it!"

LO (mischieviously): "But moooo-ooommy.  Guess what I'm GOIN' to!"

C: "(gasp!) You are?!"

LO: "Yes Mommy I'm goin' to get bigger and bigger and get all growed up.  I am!!"

C: "Well. What are you going to do that for?"

LO: "So I can be a growned-up.  And then I'm gonna get married, and I'm gonna give kisses on the mouf! HA!"
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At school pick-up, Little One's teacher pulled me aside. 
"I just have to tell you this story!", she said, obviously struggling to keep a straight face.  Uh oh.
The the story was that on Tuesday, Little One decided that SHE was the teacher.
"We probably should have stopped Her disrupting the class", I was informed, "but we all just stood there because we couldn't believe our own eyes! It was so funny!" Uh oh.
Little One chose a piece of work and called the nearest classmates to order.
"Es'cuse me! Es'cuse me! Come here guys. Children! Children! Let me tell you."
She held the work up in one hand, betwixt Her thumb and forefinger, and with the other hand pointed and gestured to the intricacies of the material while explaining the lesson and interrogating Her pupils. 
"You like this one? You see how it is like this? Claire. Claire, what you think? Yes! Ok! Good job guys."
The teacher (the actual one) said She began by calling over a couple friends, and slowly a crowd began to form, until all the students were in a circle around Little One in the middle of the classroom, attentively learning the "lesson".  Her teacher- who has been there over a decade- said to me, "I've never seen anything like it!"
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The next day, I was pulled aside by Her other teacher.  Little One had been in trouble this time.  First, there was the parachute game at recess (omg didn't you love the parachute game?!) and Little One was assigned to the handle attached to the orange part.  But, orange, you understand, is not pink.  And so Little One folded Her arms.  Stamped a foot (oh yes. She did.), furrowed Her brow, and declared something along the lines of "give me pink or give me death".  So She was relegated to a table at the end of the room.  But She turned up Her nose.  "I'm NOT sitting at that table. It has some smudges on it and it is not my favorite. I choose THIS one."  An assertion soon quashed by Her teacher, who is after all nicknamed "the hammer". 
Rough day.
She had already been pulled aside to "sit with" the third teacher that morning. There is a small loft in Her classroom, with a chair and books, just big enough for one person.  For quiet alone time.  But Little One.  Little One climbed up the stairs, swept Her arms out in true diva style, and began belting out Her favorite jams at the top of Her lungs.  Until She was literally pulled offstage.
Always a critic.
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In the midst of a mutually frustrating "discussion" about what Little One was supposed to wear to school:

Little One: "Mommy, whoa.  Whoa, there. Maybe you didn't see the sign."

C: ..."The what now."

LO: "Yah, the sign.  The sign I made."

C: ...

LO: "(deep, eye rolling sigh) Mom I hanged it up.  You didn't see it? Ok.  Well.  It SAYS, 'three-years-olds is the bosses.  Only threes-years-olds can be the bosses and no other persons can be bosses'.  SO, see mommy.  I am achully in charge here." ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the store:

Stranger: "Why hello there. Aren't you a nice little girl."

Little One: "T'ank you."

Stranger: "You're welcome! How old are you?"

LO: "I'm three. Next I'm gonna be four.  And then I'm gonna be five, and six, and seven, and eight, and nine, and then TEN!"

Stranger: "Wow.  And what is your name?"

LO: "I'm Little One." (waits expectantly. shrugs.) "Well.  I'm a famous ballerina."