Karma Sent a Message To Me

Karma said to me: "C. Here's the thing. Pay attention to your kid, C. PAY ATTENTION to Her! I don't care if you are tired. I don't care if you are so tired that breathing is an annoyance. I don't care if you are so tired that you would wonder if you had mono except that would be too much effort. You are a mom, pay attention to your kid."
"Because", Karma told me, "Because if you don't, then here's what I'll do. If you don't, You will look up to shrieks of laughter to find that a box of oatmeal baby-flakes has been strewn in a flurry about the entire top floor of your house, little flakes fluttering from the landing into the kitchen. You will find a child looking like Ben Franklin with oat-flake powdered hair. And then- wait, there's more!- then your dogs will roll in it. Yes they will! And when you put them outside to try and clean the mess before bathing them, they will dig up the lawn and roll in that too! Don't ignore them either.
And please. If you dare to put your child on hold again because you want 5 minutes to clear the snow, then look here. When you are vacuuming up in the corner by the bed, a pink sock will fly across the floor and into the hose, and it will take 15 minutes to get it out. And as soon as you do, you will suck up a pair of tweezers which will have appeared out of the ether so that you can spend 40 minutes getting them out!
Not that you should. NOoooooo! 40 minutes of still ignoring the child will have to bring me to this. To Her sneaking all ninja-stealth style into the bathroom while you fume at the tweezers, and standing waaay up on Her tiptoes, and stealing the tube of toothpaste. Oh yes I will. And She will eat it. Know what's in there? No you don't! And that's what you get. Because if you have to watch Her closely to make sure She keeps breathing properly, well. I bet you're paying attention now. I bet you are paying Her all your attention now! That should teach you!
But just for good measure, when you do your big shopping trip to the commissary, and hours later go to pay for your two shopping carts full of stuff, your ID will have expired. And you will get randomly chosen to show it to the clerk! And if you didn't learn after all and neglected the poor thing again while discussing the ID issue with the manager, I'm pretty sure She's going to pee. Right there, on the floor. She was saying "potty" for 5 minutes, after all. Some people never learn. Guess I'll have to throw in keeping your husband late at work."

Right, Karma. Loud and Clear. Little One. Attention. All the time. Number One. Got it.