Taking the Show on the Road-II

Day two of the trek to AZ had a rather inauspicious start. Awakened at 4 by my neighbors uh..activities, I decided to just get the heck outta thin-walled dodge.
Nothing was open for coffee. Trying not to wake Little One, I couldn't find my comb in the dark. So you see that I was looking rather ragged by the time I got to the AZ border, just as the sun was waking up. There is a checkpoint at this border. You stop, and the guy with the reflective sunglasses and crossed arms asks you if you are smuggling in any fruits, vegetables, or illegal aliens, and then you are on your way.
So I stopped. Sunglasses sauntered up, paused a sec. Frowned. Popped his head in through my window to take a nice look around. The dog snarled. The baby wailed. The following conversation ensued:

Sunglasses: "So......where ya headed?"
C: "Tucson."
Sunglasses: "Uh huh. You....moving?"
C: "Huh? No, just, a long visit I guess".
Sunglasses: "Uh huh. You....alright? You....need anything?....know where you're...have somewhere to...you know...need any...uh....."
C: "um. I'm ok. Thanks. Sir."
Sunglasses: "Ok. Well. Ok. You travel safe now. Be safe. Bye then."

Sunglasses hesitates. Tips his hat. hesitates. Steps back and waves as I drive off.
This is pre-coffee, now. 5 am. So it took me a minute of utter confusion to figure out what the heck had happened, but Peanuts, lets see this from Sunglasses' point of view.
Here comes this exhausted and disheveled looking woman, at the crack of dawn, with all of her dependents in the car, clearly on edge snarling and crying, surrounded by mounds and piles of stuff, mostly packed into garbage bags*, in the middle of the dessert.
I am fairly certain he thought I was some poor abused wife, escaping in the middle of the night.
He was so worried, he forgot to even ask about fruit!

I thought this was funny. Until. A hundred miles and two closed gas stations later, I was racing towards the burger king exit so that I would not pee my pants. (that nasa girl may be on to something, after all). It was in my sight! I was almost there! When I saw the flashing lights!
Not only did this officer not care that I had to pee, he did not care about my plight as an escaping wife! Apparently. Because he gave me a ticket, for going seven miles over the speed limit. Which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't in a special "safety corridor" where the fines are doubled, and if I didn't have a little, um, history of traffic tickets. The speed cameras in DC are sticklers! So at this point, I was certain that I had indeed become an fugitive wife in danger after all, since J would surely have to kill me.

Later. For the moment, I still had to make it to Burger King. Where I finally got to pee, and get some coffee. I was pouring when we were backed into a corner by this guy, poor thing, who was in very bad shape, and very upset:

Booger man: "YOU!"
C: "uh, yes. Good morning!"
Booger Man: "what? NO! Don't you know? You never know. They never know!"
C: "I suppose not. Tell me!"
Booger Man: "Well don't you know who I am? Don't you know who yer talking to?!"
C: "Let me guess!"
Booger Man: "You'll never believe it!"
C: "you're probably right. Just tell me then".
Booger Man: "You HAVE TO KNOW THIS!"
C: "Ok. I'm listening."
Booger Man: "I'm Santa Clause!"
C: "Oh!"
Booger Man: "Well I AM! (pouting a little) And I've had a very bad Christmas morning!"
C: "I can see that."

He would not let us out of the corner until he knew that we were truly convinced of his true identity. At which point he became quite jovial, telling Little One how cute She was and that He would remember Her next year as being a good baby. He promised Her a pony. And waved us off with a "Ho ho hack cough ho!"

The rest of the trip was mostly uneventful, but I can tell you we were all relieved to finally arrive in Tucson and settle in. I'm happy to report that J even agreed not to kill me after all, so Santa, Sunglasses, Little One, Doggies and I can all rest easy! Whew! But please let me know if you would like a pony, next year. I'm not sure we have room to keep him.