I can't believe the summer is winding down.
Little Miss is very excited to be returning to Her montessori school, where She will be starting Kindergarten. She's very, very excited to be staying all day this year. I am very, very much in denial about the whole thing. I like to tell myself that it's the same montessori class (mixed ages 3-6) so it's not really really kindergarten. Even though it is. I try not to think at all about Her being gone all day. I just can't with all that. But I'm glad She's going back to a school that we all love and which I am pretty sure will be a positive educational, social, and emotional experience for Her.
That's Montessori, though. You get all this happy fuzzy stuff, and all it costs is an arm and a leg.
Public school, on the other hand. That is free!
Sadly, Little One's kindergarten year was worth just about exactly what we paid for.
I actually liked the school. The principal was competent and nice, the teacher was friendly, the kids were all as cute as only a bunch of snaggletoothed 6 year olds can be. I liked the other parents and hosted a weekly coffee and cake so I could hang out with all their awesomeness. I got to know the nurse (a little too well) and trust her to look out for my girl. I PTA'd it up and was elected to be the VP this year. Little One and I started a book club after school. It was a dream to be able to walk both Sisters to school every morning. I mean, Little One's school is about one block from our house!
The thing is, Little One had all that Montessori pre-school. And She has this voracious appetite for learning. She's been known to randomly get interested in something- the revolutionary war, or greek mythology- and go on a bender where She can't read or hear enough until She feels like She's learned Alllllll The Things about it! So. Before school started, I met with the principal, and said I thought maybe She should start in first grade.
The principal smiled, and chuckled, and gave me a "hey now, Tiger Mom, let's take it down a notch!" speech, and showed me the door. Ok. So, maybe, her points about Little One having just moved to the area, and going to public school for the first time, and the food allergies and all that being overwhelming as it is were valid. So we went to kindergarten.
At the first teacher conference of the year, in October, Her teacher said to me,
"well, Little One has already met all the indicators for the end of the whole year! So... She's good!" Thumbs up.
I said, "Great, but, so....what's next, then? I mean, She needs to keep learning throughout the year...new things, right? So...what's the plan for Her then?"
Teacher stopped smiling. And that was the start of the trouble.
Little One loved kindergarten, in that She loved recess. She made lots of friends and became "leader of the girls team" on the playground, and loved everyone in class. She got awards for being helpful and respectful in class. But She complained a lot about being bored. She would finish the homework for the month in one evening, but I gave Her other work from bookstore workbooks, and She read a lot, so I wasn't really worried.
Then I went to parent day. Waiting for my turn to observe the class, another mom greeted me all teary. "What happened?" She asked. "What did Little One do, to be punished like that?"
I was alarmed. What DID She do?!
"She has to sit all by Herself! All the other kids are together in groups, but She had to be in the corner by Herself all morning!"
So I asked the teacher. "Oh no, She's never in trouble! But mornings are reading centers, and She's in Her own group. There's one kid who reads at a level 8, but the others are all 2s and 3s, and Little One...is a 16. She just can't read with the other kids."
I observed. Little One, who was reading chapter books at home, still had to sit at circle time and repeat over and over, "C says Cuh! C says Cuh!"
She raised Her hand after a story, and was waved away, "Little One I KNOW you know the answer, so let me ask someone new". There were worksheets later. She finished Hers in two minutes.
"What does She do now?" I asked the teacher.
Blank stare. "Well, it's a 15 minute center... so. She can rotate when the bell rings."
"Could She read a book or something while She waits?"
"We can't let everyone do whatever they want. They have to stay at their center. The rules are the same for everyone."
I was in class for three hours and Little One did basically nothing, the whole time. But She was still expected to sit still and be quiet. By Herself. Keep in mind, because of Her food allergies, She was already seated at Her own table at lunch. She already had to stay apart from other kids while they ate the school provided breakfast (which She wasn't allowed to skip watching Her classmates eat, as that would have made Her tardy and reported as a truant). So except for recess, She was set apart all day.
At home, She started saying that reading wasn't fun, because you couldn't have friends if you can read. She started pretending She didn't know how to do math. She became so used to doing all academic work in 3 minutes or less, that when I introduced a challenging problem at home- something She would have exalted in before- She would get frustrated and call it dumb and give up.
I talked to the teacher. I asked if She could be grouped with kids from other classes who were at Her reading and math levels. But it was no longer "policy" to group kids out of their assigned class.
I asked if She could get worksheets from first grade teachers to work on while She waited during center time. I was told it was absolutely not allowed to introduce anything outside the KG curriculum.
I pleaded for Her to be allowed to do Her work at a table with other kids. I had to actually beg, and promise to tell Her to hide Her worksheets so She wouldn't be a "show off" and make the other kids "feel bad". Later, Her teacher said she turned out to love having Little One at the table with other kids, because She "helped them all with their work". But, other than getting different books to read and some extra homework (to appease Her mom), She was never allowed to have any work that entailed learning something new. All. Year.
Now, I know that a kindergarten teacher has a really tough time, because there are 15 students and they are all across the spectrum of learning. Some have had 3 years of preschool, like Little One, some have had no school, or are just learning English. That's a lot to handle, trying to meet all those needs. I understand prioritizing the kids who need help to catch up- they need that help.
But as an advocate for my child, I couldn't accept that She had to spend six hours a day bored out of Her mind and being made to feel like an outcast. I couldn't stand seeing Her wonderful passion for learning squelched as if it were a nasty habit. I had a lot of talks with Her teacher and even the principal about how I could help Her, and got nowhere.
At the end of the year, I went to an info session on what the curriculum covers for each grade level. It was clear that the work She was doing at home was about the middle of second grade level stuff. So J and I asked to skip Her to second grade next year. People, you would think we had asked for the actual Holy Grail. You would think I had asked them to bring me a pink unicorn.
The administration had heard of this mythical "skipping of grades"....but never actually SEEN it. It didn't really exist.
But since we insisted, they had to do something. So they decided on an "evaluation period". They pulled Little One out of class parties and music and art, to test Her and test Her with reading and math specialists. At the end of this three month period, I went to a meeting.
I was told that, while She got the answers right on the math tests, She had to be failed on the evaluation, because She wouldn't always explain why She got those answers. She was docked points for doing math in Her head, because She didn't show Her work.
Example:
"what is 18 take-away 7?"
"It's 11".
"WHY is it 11?"
"... Because you had 18...then you took away 7."
"Can you show me why on paper?"
(on paper): "18 minus 7 is 11 because that is what is left."
Wrong.
I was told that, while She was reading on an end of second grade level, She wasn't ready to start second grade, because when the specialist asked Her about the books, Her answers were short and to the point, and She preferred non-fiction, factual information over discussing how She felt about things.
The reading specialist pointed out that not once, not once, did Little One ever re-open a book to look for the answers- which was a VERY important indicator for using resources.
C: "Did you know, that on the school's red-yellow-green behavior scale, Little One has been green, every single day?"
Punk Reading Specialist: "No, but what does that have to do with.."
C: "Ms. LittleOnesTeacher, has Little One ever broken a rule in your class or failed to ask your permission before doing anything She didn't know the rule about? No? So, Ms ReadingSpecialist, I have to ask. Did you ever tell Little One that She was Allowed to look for answers in the book?"
PRS: "Um...no."
C: "Because I'm pretty sure She would have thought that would be cheating."
PRS: "Well. Oh. Well. She still was supposed to...it's a...uh...it's an indicator...."
Right.
In the end of the meeting, it was clear to see that they had never really considered skipping Her. They don't believe in unicorns at all. All of the reasons given were basically that while She could get all the answers right, She was shy enough with strangers to give them a reason not to move Her.
In the meantime, while all this testing was going on, the principal called me in for a talk.
"You know, not that we're trying to get rid of you, because we love you guys. But there is this school, a magnet school, for kids like Little One who are just...how can I... who are sort of....humming along at a different frequency. You might just consider it."
It happened to be the day before the deadline to apply for this mysterious odd-frequency school, so we just turned in the paper, just in case.
Then we had to send letters from teachers, letters from us, transcripts, report cards. Little One had to do an interview and go to a testing session which we were not allowed to watch.
We googled and found that there are people whose whole career consists of tutoring little snaggletoothed 6 year olds to pass that test. That hundreds of people apply, and only 25 get in. So we forgot all about it, and went back to trying to skip Her a grade.
Then we got an acceptance letter.
Supposedly, it is the same curriculum, but there are "acceleration opportunities" for STEM subjects. And there will, they promised without my having to ask, definitely be other kids in Her reading and math groups, doing the same stuff.
The place is an hour away. Little One has to be there, and leave there, at the exact same time Missy has to be at, and leave from, Her school over here.
Instead of walking 5 minutes, I'll have to drive Her 15 minutes to the bus stop, where She will have an hour long bus ride to school. If She has an allergic reaction or an asthma attack that doesn't respond to medication, as She did last year, I won't be able to rush right over. There will have to be an ambulance. This school does NOT sound fun, for ME.
So we deliberated and discussed, talked and thought, J and I. What to do? Then we asked Her.
The so-called Queen of recess, who loved Her friends and teachers so much, what Her preference would be, so we could consider that in our decision.
She didn't miss a beat. She didn't hesitate, and She was unequivocal.
"Please. Please please. PLEASE let me go to the new school!"
"But you know you won't see all of your friends any more. It will be all new. You won't know anyone there, and it will be different."
"Yes, I know. But I can make new friends! And different stuff is good, cause that's what's an adventure, mom. And besides...maybe...maybe...maybe at the new school, I won't have to teach the kids stuff all day with their work. Maybe we could work together instead. That's all I want."
Ok then. I'm nervous about Her being so far if something goes wrong. I'm scared to death of the bus. I'm going to miss Her those two hours a day She will be commuting to school, and I can only hope it will be worth it. And truthfully? I'll miss the PTA and the moms I chatted with at pick up and all of that too. All I can do is try to follow my Little One's lead, and make new friends. Hope that just maybe it will be a place where She can fall back in love with learning. And realize that different is good, because that's what's an adventure.
Little Miss is very excited to be returning to Her montessori school, where She will be starting Kindergarten. She's very, very excited to be staying all day this year. I am very, very much in denial about the whole thing. I like to tell myself that it's the same montessori class (mixed ages 3-6) so it's not really really kindergarten. Even though it is. I try not to think at all about Her being gone all day. I just can't with all that. But I'm glad She's going back to a school that we all love and which I am pretty sure will be a positive educational, social, and emotional experience for Her.
That's Montessori, though. You get all this happy fuzzy stuff, and all it costs is an arm and a leg.
Public school, on the other hand. That is free!
Sadly, Little One's kindergarten year was worth just about exactly what we paid for.
I actually liked the school. The principal was competent and nice, the teacher was friendly, the kids were all as cute as only a bunch of snaggletoothed 6 year olds can be. I liked the other parents and hosted a weekly coffee and cake so I could hang out with all their awesomeness. I got to know the nurse (a little too well) and trust her to look out for my girl. I PTA'd it up and was elected to be the VP this year. Little One and I started a book club after school. It was a dream to be able to walk both Sisters to school every morning. I mean, Little One's school is about one block from our house!
The thing is, Little One had all that Montessori pre-school. And She has this voracious appetite for learning. She's been known to randomly get interested in something- the revolutionary war, or greek mythology- and go on a bender where She can't read or hear enough until She feels like She's learned Alllllll The Things about it! So. Before school started, I met with the principal, and said I thought maybe She should start in first grade.
The principal smiled, and chuckled, and gave me a "hey now, Tiger Mom, let's take it down a notch!" speech, and showed me the door. Ok. So, maybe, her points about Little One having just moved to the area, and going to public school for the first time, and the food allergies and all that being overwhelming as it is were valid. So we went to kindergarten.
At the first teacher conference of the year, in October, Her teacher said to me,
"well, Little One has already met all the indicators for the end of the whole year! So... She's good!" Thumbs up.
I said, "Great, but, so....what's next, then? I mean, She needs to keep learning throughout the year...new things, right? So...what's the plan for Her then?"
Teacher stopped smiling. And that was the start of the trouble.
Little One loved kindergarten, in that She loved recess. She made lots of friends and became "leader of the girls team" on the playground, and loved everyone in class. She got awards for being helpful and respectful in class. But She complained a lot about being bored. She would finish the homework for the month in one evening, but I gave Her other work from bookstore workbooks, and She read a lot, so I wasn't really worried.
Then I went to parent day. Waiting for my turn to observe the class, another mom greeted me all teary. "What happened?" She asked. "What did Little One do, to be punished like that?"
I was alarmed. What DID She do?!
"She has to sit all by Herself! All the other kids are together in groups, but She had to be in the corner by Herself all morning!"
So I asked the teacher. "Oh no, She's never in trouble! But mornings are reading centers, and She's in Her own group. There's one kid who reads at a level 8, but the others are all 2s and 3s, and Little One...is a 16. She just can't read with the other kids."
I observed. Little One, who was reading chapter books at home, still had to sit at circle time and repeat over and over, "C says Cuh! C says Cuh!"
She raised Her hand after a story, and was waved away, "Little One I KNOW you know the answer, so let me ask someone new". There were worksheets later. She finished Hers in two minutes.
"What does She do now?" I asked the teacher.
Blank stare. "Well, it's a 15 minute center... so. She can rotate when the bell rings."
"Could She read a book or something while She waits?"
"We can't let everyone do whatever they want. They have to stay at their center. The rules are the same for everyone."
I was in class for three hours and Little One did basically nothing, the whole time. But She was still expected to sit still and be quiet. By Herself. Keep in mind, because of Her food allergies, She was already seated at Her own table at lunch. She already had to stay apart from other kids while they ate the school provided breakfast (which She wasn't allowed to skip watching Her classmates eat, as that would have made Her tardy and reported as a truant). So except for recess, She was set apart all day.
At home, She started saying that reading wasn't fun, because you couldn't have friends if you can read. She started pretending She didn't know how to do math. She became so used to doing all academic work in 3 minutes or less, that when I introduced a challenging problem at home- something She would have exalted in before- She would get frustrated and call it dumb and give up.
I talked to the teacher. I asked if She could be grouped with kids from other classes who were at Her reading and math levels. But it was no longer "policy" to group kids out of their assigned class.
I asked if She could get worksheets from first grade teachers to work on while She waited during center time. I was told it was absolutely not allowed to introduce anything outside the KG curriculum.
I pleaded for Her to be allowed to do Her work at a table with other kids. I had to actually beg, and promise to tell Her to hide Her worksheets so She wouldn't be a "show off" and make the other kids "feel bad". Later, Her teacher said she turned out to love having Little One at the table with other kids, because She "helped them all with their work". But, other than getting different books to read and some extra homework (to appease Her mom), She was never allowed to have any work that entailed learning something new. All. Year.
Now, I know that a kindergarten teacher has a really tough time, because there are 15 students and they are all across the spectrum of learning. Some have had 3 years of preschool, like Little One, some have had no school, or are just learning English. That's a lot to handle, trying to meet all those needs. I understand prioritizing the kids who need help to catch up- they need that help.
But as an advocate for my child, I couldn't accept that She had to spend six hours a day bored out of Her mind and being made to feel like an outcast. I couldn't stand seeing Her wonderful passion for learning squelched as if it were a nasty habit. I had a lot of talks with Her teacher and even the principal about how I could help Her, and got nowhere.
At the end of the year, I went to an info session on what the curriculum covers for each grade level. It was clear that the work She was doing at home was about the middle of second grade level stuff. So J and I asked to skip Her to second grade next year. People, you would think we had asked for the actual Holy Grail. You would think I had asked them to bring me a pink unicorn.
The administration had heard of this mythical "skipping of grades"....but never actually SEEN it. It didn't really exist.
But since we insisted, they had to do something. So they decided on an "evaluation period". They pulled Little One out of class parties and music and art, to test Her and test Her with reading and math specialists. At the end of this three month period, I went to a meeting.
I was told that, while She got the answers right on the math tests, She had to be failed on the evaluation, because She wouldn't always explain why She got those answers. She was docked points for doing math in Her head, because She didn't show Her work.
Example:
"what is 18 take-away 7?"
"It's 11".
"WHY is it 11?"
"... Because you had 18...then you took away 7."
"Can you show me why on paper?"
(on paper): "18 minus 7 is 11 because that is what is left."
Wrong.
I was told that, while She was reading on an end of second grade level, She wasn't ready to start second grade, because when the specialist asked Her about the books, Her answers were short and to the point, and She preferred non-fiction, factual information over discussing how She felt about things.
The reading specialist pointed out that not once, not once, did Little One ever re-open a book to look for the answers- which was a VERY important indicator for using resources.
C: "Did you know, that on the school's red-yellow-green behavior scale, Little One has been green, every single day?"
Punk Reading Specialist: "No, but what does that have to do with.."
C: "Ms. LittleOnesTeacher, has Little One ever broken a rule in your class or failed to ask your permission before doing anything She didn't know the rule about? No? So, Ms ReadingSpecialist, I have to ask. Did you ever tell Little One that She was Allowed to look for answers in the book?"
PRS: "Um...no."
C: "Because I'm pretty sure She would have thought that would be cheating."
PRS: "Well. Oh. Well. She still was supposed to...it's a...uh...it's an indicator...."
Right.
In the end of the meeting, it was clear to see that they had never really considered skipping Her. They don't believe in unicorns at all. All of the reasons given were basically that while She could get all the answers right, She was shy enough with strangers to give them a reason not to move Her.
In the meantime, while all this testing was going on, the principal called me in for a talk.
"You know, not that we're trying to get rid of you, because we love you guys. But there is this school, a magnet school, for kids like Little One who are just...how can I... who are sort of....humming along at a different frequency. You might just consider it."
It happened to be the day before the deadline to apply for this mysterious odd-frequency school, so we just turned in the paper, just in case.
Then we had to send letters from teachers, letters from us, transcripts, report cards. Little One had to do an interview and go to a testing session which we were not allowed to watch.
We googled and found that there are people whose whole career consists of tutoring little snaggletoothed 6 year olds to pass that test. That hundreds of people apply, and only 25 get in. So we forgot all about it, and went back to trying to skip Her a grade.
Then we got an acceptance letter.
Supposedly, it is the same curriculum, but there are "acceleration opportunities" for STEM subjects. And there will, they promised without my having to ask, definitely be other kids in Her reading and math groups, doing the same stuff.
The place is an hour away. Little One has to be there, and leave there, at the exact same time Missy has to be at, and leave from, Her school over here.
Instead of walking 5 minutes, I'll have to drive Her 15 minutes to the bus stop, where She will have an hour long bus ride to school. If She has an allergic reaction or an asthma attack that doesn't respond to medication, as She did last year, I won't be able to rush right over. There will have to be an ambulance. This school does NOT sound fun, for ME.
So we deliberated and discussed, talked and thought, J and I. What to do? Then we asked Her.
The so-called Queen of recess, who loved Her friends and teachers so much, what Her preference would be, so we could consider that in our decision.
She didn't miss a beat. She didn't hesitate, and She was unequivocal.
"Please. Please please. PLEASE let me go to the new school!"
"But you know you won't see all of your friends any more. It will be all new. You won't know anyone there, and it will be different."
"Yes, I know. But I can make new friends! And different stuff is good, cause that's what's an adventure, mom. And besides...maybe...maybe...maybe at the new school, I won't have to teach the kids stuff all day with their work. Maybe we could work together instead. That's all I want."
Ok then. I'm nervous about Her being so far if something goes wrong. I'm scared to death of the bus. I'm going to miss Her those two hours a day She will be commuting to school, and I can only hope it will be worth it. And truthfully? I'll miss the PTA and the moms I chatted with at pick up and all of that too. All I can do is try to follow my Little One's lead, and make new friends. Hope that just maybe it will be a place where She can fall back in love with learning. And realize that different is good, because that's what's an adventure.
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