I have this artist friend. I love the way she mothers. She and I parent the same in some ways, differently in some ways, but we find the same kind of joy in it, I think. So when she talks about her Way of parenting, I listen. And when she posted some random link on Facebook today, I clicked. I read it.
The article was about how it is important to say "yes" to children, when as parents we are so constantly saying "no". Important to say yes; not "maybe", "I'll think about it", "if you this" or "after that". But really, truly, "yes that's a great idea"; "absolutely".
Ok, whatever, that's nice. I clicked on.
But that article popped into my head today, every time I admonished my girls for using their hands instead of a fork, or the tablecloth instead of a napkin. Every time they asked if we were done waiting for the doctor, or could go to the zoo today, or have skittles for lunch.
They say Eskimos have 100 words for "snow", but moms have at least 1000 ways of saying "no".
Today was a long day. The kids were up early. We spent four hours at the allergy clinic, waiting and meeting Little One's new top doc. We grabbed lunch and drove through DC traffic to the commissary where we shopped for the next month (because I'm not doing that again all the time, Peanuts. I mean really) and hauled it all back home and unloaded. Because J has an overnight shift tonight (which started at 5am today), I made him dinner- a new Chinese recipe requiring lots of pots and pans- and brownies for the whole resident team. I packed it up, fed the kids, washed the dishes, bathed Mister- because no matter how busy we may be, this face:
needs a bath after dinner- got the Sisters faces washed and hair brushed. Got the text that J didn't want dinner (another resident went out for Chinese), but loaded all the kids and the brownies into the car anyways. We drove 45 minutes through rush hour, and Missy fell fast asleep.
So I put Her in a stroller, brownies in the basket, Mister on my hip, and pushed Her in, with Little One holding the handle. We waited 20 minutes in the lobby while J finished helping a patient, and saw him for about 10 minutes.
By the time we left, the sun was setting, Missy still fast asleep with Mister following suit, and I was thinking of how much I had to do as soon as I could get the kids into bed. As we made our way to the parking lot, Little One said,
"So, mom. I was thinking...how 'bout since the kids are asleep and it's past bed time, how 'bout you and me do something fun? Like have a girls night?
"We-elll....we might still have time to read our special book. But it's already after bed time, love." (We've been reading chapter books lately, after the younger kids are in bed. We're currently in the middle of "The Little Prince").
"But. But...well...I was thinking more like, you know, like a game, or something, or....Oh! I KNOW! Let's BAKE something! Something from my new cookbook Aunt Sherry gave me? Just us two? 'Cause, 'cause you know, mom. You know, you and Dada have been working a LOT lately....and Missy has been reading the Little Price wif us, and that's ok because She likes it and that's great She does, and so we also shouldn't read any more wifout Her, you know, but well. So we haven't had that much time. With us, just. Please? Please could we just have a fun girl night and bake some stuff? Us two?"
I began preparing a good version of No in my head- after all it was already past bed time and I had a lot of cleaning up to do and some other chores to get done. But that article flashed through my mind. I asked myself why I was saying no. Did it really, truly, need to be a no? Or was I just used to saying it? We had nothing to do in the morning; there was nothing waiting for me at home that couldn't wait a little longer. Besides which: there will be a time, soon, when Little One might not want to hang out with me "just us two". A time when I will wish She would. Here I had Little One, offering Herself up to me on a silver platter, offering me a whole evening of time together having fun.
So I said, "Little One. I think that is a terrific idea! Absolutely. Let's do it!"
She lit up like a firefly. "Ok! Great! Oooohhh I can't wait to decide what we are gonna make! There are TONS of great recipes in my book, mom. We are gonna have fun just deciding which one!"
We did. We put the littler Littles to bed, dawned our matching aprons, and pored over the book until we found the perfect thing. We adjusted it to allow for the fact that Little One really wanted to use strawberries and bananas. Then we measured and mixed- Little One doing almost all of it Herself.
We chatted about our day, about kindergarten coming up, about lots of things.
While they baked, we read The Little Prince, just us two. When they were done, we split one in celebration.
"Little One, thanks for a great idea. That was fun! And tomorrow we will surprise everyone with tho special breakfast!"
"Yeah, mom. They will be happy, right? I guess I do have good ideas sometimes. Hey mom. I love you."
We brushed teeth and tucked Her in.
I didn't really get any chores done. I didn't get to call and chat with my sister or a friend like I'd planned. But I did get to spend some excellent time with a wonderful, fun person who is becoming more and more a friend every day. Plus, our strawberry-banana muffins turned out to be delicious.
Sometimes, as moms, we have to force ourselves to do something nice for ourselves, to treat ourselves to something purely fun. But it's worth it to take the time. Saying "yes", is sweet.
The article was about how it is important to say "yes" to children, when as parents we are so constantly saying "no". Important to say yes; not "maybe", "I'll think about it", "if you this" or "after that". But really, truly, "yes that's a great idea"; "absolutely".
Ok, whatever, that's nice. I clicked on.
But that article popped into my head today, every time I admonished my girls for using their hands instead of a fork, or the tablecloth instead of a napkin. Every time they asked if we were done waiting for the doctor, or could go to the zoo today, or have skittles for lunch.
They say Eskimos have 100 words for "snow", but moms have at least 1000 ways of saying "no".
Today was a long day. The kids were up early. We spent four hours at the allergy clinic, waiting and meeting Little One's new top doc. We grabbed lunch and drove through DC traffic to the commissary where we shopped for the next month (because I'm not doing that again all the time, Peanuts. I mean really) and hauled it all back home and unloaded. Because J has an overnight shift tonight (which started at 5am today), I made him dinner- a new Chinese recipe requiring lots of pots and pans- and brownies for the whole resident team. I packed it up, fed the kids, washed the dishes, bathed Mister- because no matter how busy we may be, this face:
needs a bath after dinner- got the Sisters faces washed and hair brushed. Got the text that J didn't want dinner (another resident went out for Chinese), but loaded all the kids and the brownies into the car anyways. We drove 45 minutes through rush hour, and Missy fell fast asleep.
So I put Her in a stroller, brownies in the basket, Mister on my hip, and pushed Her in, with Little One holding the handle. We waited 20 minutes in the lobby while J finished helping a patient, and saw him for about 10 minutes.
By the time we left, the sun was setting, Missy still fast asleep with Mister following suit, and I was thinking of how much I had to do as soon as I could get the kids into bed. As we made our way to the parking lot, Little One said,
"So, mom. I was thinking...how 'bout since the kids are asleep and it's past bed time, how 'bout you and me do something fun? Like have a girls night?
"We-elll....we might still have time to read our special book. But it's already after bed time, love." (We've been reading chapter books lately, after the younger kids are in bed. We're currently in the middle of "The Little Prince").
"But. But...well...I was thinking more like, you know, like a game, or something, or....Oh! I KNOW! Let's BAKE something! Something from my new cookbook Aunt Sherry gave me? Just us two? 'Cause, 'cause you know, mom. You know, you and Dada have been working a LOT lately....and Missy has been reading the Little Price wif us, and that's ok because She likes it and that's great She does, and so we also shouldn't read any more wifout Her, you know, but well. So we haven't had that much time. With us, just. Please? Please could we just have a fun girl night and bake some stuff? Us two?"
I began preparing a good version of No in my head- after all it was already past bed time and I had a lot of cleaning up to do and some other chores to get done. But that article flashed through my mind. I asked myself why I was saying no. Did it really, truly, need to be a no? Or was I just used to saying it? We had nothing to do in the morning; there was nothing waiting for me at home that couldn't wait a little longer. Besides which: there will be a time, soon, when Little One might not want to hang out with me "just us two". A time when I will wish She would. Here I had Little One, offering Herself up to me on a silver platter, offering me a whole evening of time together having fun.
So I said, "Little One. I think that is a terrific idea! Absolutely. Let's do it!"
She lit up like a firefly. "Ok! Great! Oooohhh I can't wait to decide what we are gonna make! There are TONS of great recipes in my book, mom. We are gonna have fun just deciding which one!"
We did. We put the littler Littles to bed, dawned our matching aprons, and pored over the book until we found the perfect thing. We adjusted it to allow for the fact that Little One really wanted to use strawberries and bananas. Then we measured and mixed- Little One doing almost all of it Herself.
We chatted about our day, about kindergarten coming up, about lots of things.
While they baked, we read The Little Prince, just us two. When they were done, we split one in celebration.
"Little One, thanks for a great idea. That was fun! And tomorrow we will surprise everyone with tho special breakfast!""Yeah, mom. They will be happy, right? I guess I do have good ideas sometimes. Hey mom. I love you."
We brushed teeth and tucked Her in.
I didn't really get any chores done. I didn't get to call and chat with my sister or a friend like I'd planned. But I did get to spend some excellent time with a wonderful, fun person who is becoming more and more a friend every day. Plus, our strawberry-banana muffins turned out to be delicious.
Sometimes, as moms, we have to force ourselves to do something nice for ourselves, to treat ourselves to something purely fun. But it's worth it to take the time. Saying "yes", is sweet.
More, please.
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