Celebrating 30

On my first solo vacation in over four years, I expected it to be relaxing.
And it was! Sitting in an airport and having nothing else to do but sit there was pretty amazing, not to mention sitting in front of a fire with a glass of champagne! 
I expected it to be glamorous.
And sitting at the airport bar with my veggie burger and my Guinness (working with practically no interruptions whatsoever, leaving no extra tip out of guilt for floor debris around my spot) was glamorous.  Then we went out to fancy dinner, we went wine tasting...  woo hoo, Peanuts!
Like trying on a ballgown at a designer store I could never afford, I put on this un-mom lifestyle and turned this way and that way, feeling how light the fabric was, admiring the sparkle.
I expected it to the freeing. At 7am when I was still snug in bed, at 7pm when I didn't have to feed or bathe anybody, at the pool where I wasn't the slightest bit concerned that anyone might drown, I might as well have had actual wings.

Birthday Candles

Getting together with the girls I have shared over a decade of ups and downs and hysterical laughter with, I expected it to be fun.  I expected the joy and the gratitude for knowing such amazing people.
I was not disappointed.
But there were a few surprises.  The champagne and sweet note waiting for us in the room, sent by my thoughtful sister was a good one.  Being told by the "yoga" teacher to "grab onto our stomach flab, shake it like jelly, and laugh like this: 'ha-ha-ha-hee-hee-hee'" was certainly not expected.  Nor was finding myself locked into a "family" restroom, pumping milk at the Dallas airport.  (Well I didn't want to overdose on the glamor guys.  There must be balance, right?) 
But the thing that surprised me most about this trip was that while of course I also expected to miss my little family, I could never have guessed that I would miss them SO. Much.
It's Something, I think, that even though I truly had the most wonderful trip and birthday celebration possibly imaginable, I still missed my babies, my J, and my mom (at my house helping with the Littles) so very, very much.  So sharply, constantly much.
The truth is that traveling without the Littles is hugely easier and less exhausting. But airports and airplanes without them are so....boring.  For months I had looked forward to my three-hour layover on the way home from California.  I spent all of those three hours wishing I had my kids with me.
I need trips like this sometimes.  I need to break out of my routine, shake it free, dust off those little corners of Me shoved into storage 99% of the time.  A good spring cleaning.  Try on something new and different just to shake things up a little.
And also to remind me that while it's fun to try on the fancy-free ballgown sometimes, well it just doesn't suit me as well as the sundress with the spots of magic marker and babyfood at the hem.
To reiterate our collective birthday toast to ourselves: Here is to turning 30.  A happy day, a great day.  Because we all happen to be exactly who and where in life we want to be.  Can't beat that.