First Days- For Those Of Us Left Behind

 I have been asked if there were any tears on the first day of kindergarten.
From Little One: Please.  The girl was like a chihuahua on pixie stix She was so excited to be there.  Walking up to the teeming masses before the bell rang, She admitted, "I am a little scared, Mom.  But I'm pretty brave.  So it's ok."  Other than that moment, She was all smiles.
No tears from me, either.  You read right! Because:
Miss had enough sadness for us all.  For Her, the trauma was multifaceted; She lost Her best friend, being left behind in both a physical and metaphorical sense, and preschool doesn't start for another week and a half.  Which is, I'm told, "Impinity" years away (three-year-old time).
To lessen the blow a little bit, I tried to talk up how great it will be for us to have all this time together in the mornings, just us two (and a half. Mister naps, so He only gets a half), and I told Her that on the first day, we could do ANYTHING SHE WANTED.  ANYthing.  Go to the zoo, out for ice cream, a museum, swimming, whatever She wanted to do.  I braced myself to hear what crazy thing She would come up with.  She's got a good imagination.
Here's Her choice:  To stay home and play together in the playroom with toys.
So we did.  We played with airplanes, princesses, dress-up dolls, and an aircraft carrier.  We played pretend.  And, because it's Missy, we cleaned everything up as we went, and we also played "orga-zizing" games.  Here are the animals, orga-zized into flying, walking, and swimming.

 I think it's interesting how She so instantly and definitively categorized the ducks and geese, and not always into the same pile.  The snake got it's own pile, because, as She explained, "it on-y sliss-ahs."
After Mister woke up, I talked Her into a picnic at a new playground and She loved it.

A tractor drive right onto the playground, and a couple of deer walked by as well, so there was plenty of excitement.  Without the shadow of Her big sister, She was unusually chatty with strangers who said hello, and was so proud to be the one that got to show off baby brother and list all the ages of the kids in the family.  On the way to pick Little One up, She even said She wanted Little One to go to school another day so we could have more "fun things wif us".  In the last two days, we've baked cookies together, played games, read stories, worked in the garden together, and even just cuddled on the couch.  Each day, I offer any outing of Her choice, and so far She'd rather just hang out at home.  This morning we read for two hours, played chutes and ladders, and then as I pushed Her on the backyard swing, She sighed, "Oh, Mama.  Isn't it just so. nice. and. PEACEFUL. I love this a bazillion."  I love it.  I love Her appreciation for the simple; how many of us never get it?  I love the wisdom beyond Her years (and maybe mine) for Her to know that we will have more real, quality time, if we just stay somewhere quiet, the two of us, and be together.  I have truly enjoyed these few mornings with my middlest baby.  As much as I'm looking forward to Her getting to go to school and begin making Her own friends and Her own way in the bigger world, I'm also really treasuring these days.  In which She's the teacher, and I'm the student.

Fist Day Of Kindergarten

So this is a pretty perfect representation of how the Sisters each felt about the first day of kindergarten.

Little One is like,"YAY! Kindergarten woohoo!!" and Missy is like, "No. Just No."


Again:

The face!  The Missy face!
She was soooo sad to let Little One go.  She came around a bit later on (more on that soon), but She is really just not at all a fan.  The angst, guys.  Epic. Still, She put on a smile for Little One when we met Her at the door after school.

Walking Out From Her First Day- Photo Credit: Missy

Miss walked right up to Her, hugged Her and said,
"Little One! How was yah fuhst day?  Look I picked for you this flowah!"
Little One thanked Her and hugged Her and talked a mile a minute-
"I LOVE kindergarten mom it is fanTACstic and ever-thing is aMAZing and I have, like, a ba-zillion new friends and my teacher is nice and I got to be a special helper and I wish I could go back again RIGHT NOW!! It was the best day ever!"
We were walking towards home during this speech, and when Little One paused, Missy stopped short, and put a hand on each of Little One's shoulders.  She looked at Her with an earnest expression, and said, "Little One.  I am so proud of you for kindahgahten."
They had a big hug and held hands the whole way home.
For me, I have only one big kid in school right now, but I'm pretty proud of two.

The Night Before Kindergarten

Tonight we began our new family policy of letting Little One stay up a little later than Miss (who gets to stay up a little later than Mister, so is only a little offended).  I'm hoping this will be a good opportunity for us to have some real time together in the months ahead, when She's gone from me so much of the day.
Tonight we gave Little One a small package- a book called "The Night Before Kindergarten".
J and I snuggled up to Her on the couch, and She read it to us.  Then together, She and I made Her lunch, picked out Her outfit, wrapped up a gift for Her teacher, and packed up Her backpack.
Tonight I'm going to bed with three little ones, and it feels like tomorrow I will wake up with just two- and a Big Kid!
I'd write more, but Little Mister is (very unusually) crying insistently in His crib.  It looks like a long night...but there area silver linings all over, right Peanuts?  What a reminder that even though Little One is heading off to big kid school... I have plenty of baby snuggles left here.  At least for now.  

Riding Out The Summer

What better way to let the summer go out with a bang, than a day at the state fair?

Ready for some fun!

We saw lots of animals:

Went crazy and sprung for some sweet treats:

Rode tractors:

Watched the pig races:

 And went on rides:

This fair was a landmark, because it was the first time Little One was big enough to ride a 'big kid' ride.  She was VERY proud of Herself.  To tell the truth, J and I were pretty excited about it, too.  She's growing! Yes!  Despite being rained on much of the time, it was warm and we all had fun.  

Even Mister, who missed His nap and had to be nursed in the rain under a funhouse, had a great time and lots of laughs.

They all fell asleep in the car.

"I've Heard About You"

Yesterday we went to the school open house and got to meet Little One's teacher.
She seemed very nice, and as soon as Little One introduced Herself knew all about Her health issues and was ready to reassure me.  Which was, you know, reassuring.
Little One was super thrilled to get to bring Her sister along for the fun, and together they did a scavenger hunt and explored the classroom.  We had a chat with the nurse and the principal, and when we left Little One declared, "Great mom! From the last thing was was worried it might be a super BORING school, but now I see that it will be FUN and FANTASTIC and I can't wait-how-many-days-left-can-it-be-tomorrow?!"  
It's not tomorrow.
It is Monday.  DON'T RUSH ME!!!
But it's coming up and I'm happy that She's happy.  I'm happy that She's growing up and I get to witness it.  I'm going to miss Her a terribly lot.

Brave

Monday will be the first day of Kindergarten.
It's true that Little One has been going to school for three years now, but this will be public school.  All day school.  With hundreds of kids.  With lunch time. It's a whole new thing.
Tonight Little One and I walked through the drizzling evening to attend the "back to school" info session.  It was mostly hum drum, mission statements and conduct codes and pick-up schedules and such.  It was late (and boring) and Little One leaned on my shoulder, lacing Her arm through mine.
When the teacher got to the part about lunches and snacks, I perked her up to listen.
Hearing the talk about how all the kids get milk, about the class eating breakfast each morning in the classroom,  class-provided snacks (the ubiquitous goldfish crackers being the example),  the various options for lunches on long tables in the cafeteria, caused knots to form in my stomach, slowly tightening with each paragraph.
One parent in the back asked, "is this a nut-free school?"  
"No, no it isn't" answered the teacher.
At that, she got the biggest reaction from her listeners she'd had all night.
"YES!!" exclaimed several parents in the crowd, one pumping his fist in the air.  "Awesome!" "great!" "Oh that makes everything easier!"
Everything easier? Really?
Now, I am actually not an advocate for nut-free schools.  There are nuts in the world, and kids like mine have to learn to navigate that fact.  I also understand the fairness issue with asking many to be inconvenienced for the sake of one.
But it is, after all, the sake of one life.  
How can I explain this to someone who doesn't live with life-threatening food allergies?  Imagine the teacher saying that all the children would be allowed to carry loaded handguns, and all the parents going, "Yes! I'm sending mine with a semi-automatic!"   Only worse.  Because if kindergarteners did carry guns, at least they might have been told to be careful with them.  At least the teachers would know they were dangerous and would instinctively supervise to some degree.
But for my kid, the peanut butter sandwich and the cups of milk are just as dangerous.  And no one handles pizza with caution.  Meaning that the burden of staying safe in an actual minefield of danger, all day long, will fall on the shoulders of a five-year-old.
Hearing all those parents exalt over getting to send nuts into the place my Little One will be spending the majority of Her time,  watching Her innocent little eyes get big and round, feeling the delicacy of Her hand pressed into mine... I felt a wave of real terror.
I put my arm around Her shoulders as if I were sheltering Her from an attack; for a moment I thought I was going to be sick. I can honestly not remember the last time I felt so afraid.  And that's me.
How must She feel?
I squeezed Her hand and the talk moved on to folders and homework.  Afterwards She thanked the teacher and we started for home.  By now it was late, late enough to be dark out.  To get home, we take the short-cut around the back of the school, behind the baseball field and down a little path through a wooded area.  But we've never walked it at night.
As we turned the corner of the school, the back was unlit, littered with broken chairs, flat basketballs, and overflowing dumpsters.  The thought was just flashing through my mind, that this was pretty sketchy looking and I was a bit uneasy about it, when Little One stopped short and grabbed my hand.  "Um, no way Mom.  No way we should go through here, it's too dark! I'm scared.  This looks like a place where Bad Guys come out from."
I looked again.  It did look like a scene that might be accompanied by creepy music.
But it was the way home.
"Little One, it's ok.  This is our own, safe neighborhood.  I have a flashlight, and we know the way.  We are tough and brave, and I am right here.  We're just going to keep going." 
She looked a bit doubtful.
"If a bad guy jumps out, I will whack him with this umbrella. I'm not afraid of anything. Let's go!"
She held my hand tight, and we walked.
Even though what I said was true, that it was a short familiar walk in our own, safe neighborhood, if I'd been by myself, I might have run through the dark part, or gone the much longer way through the lit streets.  But sometimes when you're mom, you don't have the luxury of being scared.  You have to be rational, you have to be brave.  Because it's one thing to teach my child to be cautious, and another to make Her afraid of the dark, of Her own shadow.
So I walked with confidence; I smiled and pointed out the lovely song of the crickets, the beautiful pattern of the moon through the leaves.  I kept a careful watch and I held onto Her hand- but we walked right into the dark and kept walking until we were home.
I wish I could walk Her like that through life.  I wish I could hold Her hand in every darkness.
Kindergarten and school and the wide frightening world are right around the corner.   They are shadowy with Unknowns and there are dangers to navigate.  I would give anything to make every back alley and lunch room safe and sunny for Her! But I can't, and there's no way around it.
Still, even if I can't always be there with Her, I will always be there for Her.
All we can do is hope things aren't so dangerous as they seem, to navigate as smartly as we know how, to walk into the darkness and keep walking.  And be brave.

Bahama Mama

Where have we been?
Well, since we've been home for a whole month now, it was obviously time to pack up and take another trip!
For me, that is.  J is confined in the brig of residency and gets no days off.  So it had to be a solitary confinement last week, while I whisked the kids away on a family reunion cruise to the Bahamas!
Rough life, right?  
Now, try to follow me here.  This reunion was put together by my step-father's step-mother.  So...that's what? My dub-step-gramma?  The kids' step-great-step-gramma?  Whatever she is, she rocks.  This is the first family reunion without her husband (my step-dad's father), and he was missed by all of us.  But it's a wonderful tradition, and I don't take for granted that even with all the "steps" between us, she has never made me or mine feel like anything other than family, period.  This is further fortunate for me because she is an extremely fun, kind, smart lady who I look up to very much and love to be around.  Thank you doub-step!

There are distinct levels of maturity going on here...

Since it was a reunion, there were cousins, my sister and her fiancé, my parents;  a whole team of people to help me keep my Littles from drowning!  And, Peanuts, I used them all.  I have never in my life relied so much on so many other people to keep eyes on my progeny, but with all the water hazards, partying, and partiers, it was a good thing I had so much back up.

 Mister pretty much got passed around like a hot potato.  Cute one.  Teething one. But cute.

Thanks team!


The kids had an absolute blast getting to basically live in swimsuits.

Little One and even Little Miss went down the giant water slide

They played mini-golf, blew bubbles, played games, and went to real tea parties

 Tea Time!

Sweeties

Little One and GQ here played some life-sized chess! Missy rode the pony.  

Top Deck Wind!

They rocked it on the cruise when there was dancing- check out my babies getting low:

 

Little One lost Her second tooth (and by "lost" I mean She wrenched it out Herself) at sea, and we were all very curious to see whether there would be a tooth fairy so far from home.  It turns out that there was! We can't be sure whether it was an ocean fairy, or ship fairy, but in any case it left a rhinestone anchor necklace as treasure, and also an adorable half-lisp for Little One.

 

On one island, we took a glass-bottomed eco-tour of a lagoon and got to see lots of sea life, including a shark!

  

One of the highlights (for me) was getting to swim with dolphins.  Unexso is one of the only three open-ocean dolphin centers in the world. While dolphin captivity is controversial and I have mixed-to-negative feelings about it in general, I did some research on this particular organization ahead of time, and I was impressed by the facility, staff, and appearance of the dolphins. It made it possible to really enjoy the time these amazing fellow-creatures allowed us to spend in the water with them.  All the Littles got to play with them, pet them, and give and get a kiss!

 The Sisters were thrilled, and Little Mister even splashed and giggled when the dolphin came near.  The only part He didn't like?  When the dolphin gave ME a kiss.  
No worries, J! I may have left you to go on a tropical vacation, but your little Mister man is lookin' out.  Not even slimy sea mammals will sneak in a smooch on His watch.  Apparently, Little Mister was chaperoning me.  
We also had a little time to explore, and made friends with some parrots.
Not to mention spending long, peaceful hours in the sapphire waters of caribbean beaches.

Exactly what "Vacation" is supposed to look like

 I didn't get into the night-life aspect of cruising around.  I had three Littles to tuck into their cabin bunks!

But with no phone or internet access, those quiet evening hours were the most peaceful I've had in a long time.  I read books! I slept actual sleep! For consecutive hours.  One of my young cousins expressed pity for me at my having to retire so early, when the rest of the crew were up partying past one AM.  I could only laugh.
It wasn't my first cruise; it wasn't the first 1AM I've lived through.  Trust me, I know what I was missing.  And I didn't miss it at all! Chasing after three small crazy people with a can of spray-sunscreen, making sure no one eats too much sand, squealing with them over the slimy feel of a sea cucumber and digging through bananas and plastic mermaids in the bottomless beach bag for passports?  Actually, yes, that is my idea of fun.

Doing it with the help and company of a couple-dozen lovely family-members, plus some guy cleans my room twice a day? I'll take it!

Now.  For when I'm doing the laundry amassed during this trip.  For when school starts.  When it's February in DC and I'm to my knees in freezing mud-

Let's just hang on to that thought.