And just as quickly as it came...

Oh, what's that?
Have I forgotten to make an important announcement? Well ok then, ahem.

Let it be known, my brothers and my sisters, that the demon GERD has been cast aside. Cast out and put asunder, and we now live in P E A C E. Glory be.

Was it the medicine? The veganism? The fact that She has grown? Who knows, and really friends, who cares. What matters is that:
A) Little One no longer suffers
B) Therefore neither do the rest of us
C) I get ice cream again

Can I please get and A-men to that!

First BFF

Here are some pictures of our trip out to southern Maryland where Little One officially made Her first friend that is not an inanimate object or the dog. Her second cousin, K, is a few months older and a cutie pie. These two girls were thrilled with one another. I mean, the nightlight, had it been there, would have been truly jealous. Look how they are even holding hands. OMG, like, next thing I know they'll be texting like all the time!

Happier Thoughts Coming Soon...

Sorry for being so crabby.

ha haaahaa

This mother is ready to give some Time-Outs

One thing I am learning about parenthood, is that it is a complete turning of everything upside-down. In many ways. One of which is a constant, steady upheaval and evolution of perspective.
I went to a party. There were some people there who I don't tend to identify with, and that's fine. But there were some things said- about certain racial groups, people with a certain sexual preference, and about women, which were deeply offensive to me.
Through a positively heroic assertion of self control, out of consideration for the host, who is a friend, no one ended up with my salad fork in their eyeball.
But I was really upset.
I always would have been really upset, because I always take comments like that personally. For the sake of myself, my friends, and people who are not my friends but who are still people, I find hatefulness like that to be not ok.
But this made me really upset. Like, still fuming the next day upset. So upset that I had to stop and think to myself, "Whoa. Why I am walking around all Eeyore with the thundercloud hanging over my head?"
And I figured it out, that is is Little One's fault, and Her changing my point of view from regular offended to mama-bear offended.
Because I am incensed, just furious, that these people would just go out and mess up Her world like that. Because how am I supposed to teach Her about Justice and Compassion and Tolerance and Love with crap like that being said all the time?! Because it's not fair that cruelty and meanness of that potency and worse should exist out there in the World where I can't protect Her forever. Because Her innocence is so fragile, and I know that those are the kind of words that will chip away at it as She grows up, and that kills me.
So partly I guess I'm just ranting at you poor Peanuts because I never did get the catharsis of a carefully aimed Salad fork. But I also just wanted to shout out at the Universe some how, and say, you know, C'mon, people. Let's straighten up a little here. There are Little One's out there. They deserve better.

Broadcasting:

The answer to the Big Political Question is....no. Nope. Nah. Uh-uh.
As in, No I did not drag my helpless infant through crushing throngs of strangers in sub-freezing temperatures for 15 hours to watch on an outside TV screen what we quite happily watched on our inside one instead.
Aaawww. :( I'm not saying I don't feel a little bit lame for living a matter of minutes from the Big Event and not going. Rather, it is a sign of how much I love my Little One that I wasn't there.
J and I have attended events on the Mall that involved mobs of people. While it's kind of exciting, it's also a bit scary. Last July 4th, all squished up against the glass of a sardine-packed metro train, I actually said to J (who couldn't hear me because he'd been sucked into the stranger-vortex two stations ago), "I would never never take a little child out in this madness!"
So I didn't. And those huddled masses we've encountered are nothing compared to the massive huddle that formed on Tuesday.
I will say that the electricity of what was happening downtown radiated its way all the way out to us in the suburbs, and that is not a lie. And so did the craziness. When J left for work at 5am, the line for his train was all the way down into the tunnel, and then back out again on the other side. Which is just. Nuts.
Plus, your happy-face local news station may have omitted to mention that our metro line was shut down most of the day because someone ended up under one of the trains. Ouch.
So I'm a lot less sorry to have missed it than I'd like to admit. But since it was a special occasion, Little One, who is really not allowed to watch TV yet, was permitted to view the event on the big magical moving-picture box. She was entranced. Girl might go into politics. Mmm hmm.
President Little One. Nice ring.

Please hold...

Holy text-message landslide.
Little One and I are happy to serve as your DC-metropolitan-area Obamania correspondents.
We will air a broadcast in the near future.
In the meantime, feel free to check in with other media sources.
They may not be as cute, but they do exist.
We'll be back after this commercial break, dinner, and a nap. Thank you.

Better than Chocolate

It's been cold here. Really cold. So cold that I haven't had the heart to tear poor Little One from Her toasty bed at 5am and strap Her into a 12degree car seat to take J to the train so I can have the car. So Little One and I have spent a lot of time at home. A lot.
And J has been pulling some long nights at the hospital, so he hasn't seen Little One much the past few days. So tonight, he spent some good one-on-one time with Little One while I got the heck outta the house. It was the longest time I've been away from Her... to which I said, Buh-BYE!
I went on a date. With my friend. We went to dinner and a movie. I changed NO diapers. No body cried. It was. SO. FUN.
After I dropped off my friend, I then topped off my night of freedom by doing something crazy, something that I did only because I am a grown-up and therefore entitled to make my own bad decisions.
I drove to CVS and bought myself a HUGE Hershey bar. AND...a chocolate milk. I've been dying for chocolate the whole last week, so I figured- well I didn't even bother to rationalize, actually. I just thought, "No one can stop me!!!" (cue maniacal laughter)
I stopped in the school parking lot by my house to both indulge in the chocolatey goodness and to also be all by myself for five minutes. (If you think this is pathetic, you're right. You also have no children.)
Sitting there, I remembered the last time I was in that parking lot. It didn't seem so long ago, that I was talking with my best friend on the phone, driving home from work, about whether or not Little One was ever going to exist.
And I stopped in that parking lot to have myself a good cry and get myself together before going home to J. (Elementary school parking lots, you will notice, are very good spots for doing secret stuff. I'm not the only one who thinks so, I once saw people making out there.)
I had sat there thinking about Little One, before She had even begun to Be, crying, and watching the rain streaming down the windshield.
I remembered all that. And I thought about how, just moments later it seems, here I am.
Not only is there Little One in my life, but now Little One sort of is my life. And She's really here, and really real.
So I put the empty calories way in the bottom of my purse, and I headed home instead. Suddenly, what I have there just seemed so much sweeter.

Holiday adventures PART 4: California Christmas Spirit

Christmas day my dad and baby sister were on their way from New Mexico to join us in AZ, when he called to tell me that my grandfather, my "Poppy" was dying.
Now, Poppy has been dying since he was in his 20's and had an appendectomy so rushed they skipped the anesthesia. He's had so many lethal medical prognoses that we've all just routinely ignored them, seeing as how Poppy was never in a rush for anything (He was a cowboy. Cowboys mosey), and had a will much stronger than any illness. But this time was different. He'd told my Nana goodbye.
So my sister E and I packed up and as soon as they arrived we drove all night to get to California in time, having a little mobile Christmas party for baby sister M on the way. When we got there, he was still awake and could manage a few words. It was a Christmas gift straight from heaven for me to have had the chance to introduce him to Little One.
I asked if he knew who She was, and he did. I held Her out to him, and his eyes sparkled and he smiled. Then I put Little One down on his chest, so he could hold Her. She did her Little One thing, wriggling Herself up to cuddle position and nestling in all cozy. And then, She reached up over Her head, to where Poppy's hands were resting, and She closed Her tiny hand around his finger. And just like that, holding his hand, She fell asleep. There is something about having a baby around, a little reminder of the beginning of life, that changes the tone of a life near its end. That smile from Poppy was priceless. And I think that Little One helped to keep us all buoyed in our sadness in the next few days. Since this was everyone's first time meeting Her, it was an interesting combination of joy and grief, but it somehow blended well, and sort of reinforced the importance of family, at least for me.
All of us- aunts, uncles, cousins- were there when Poppy passed away. And we celebrated his life that night by eating his favorite dinner- chilli-cheese dogs- and telling stories about how great and kind and important and funny he was. And he was a helluva guy, really.
I'm sorry that Little One won't know Her great-grandpoppy. Because he was the kind of grandfather that never let you down. I'm sorry that She won't remember meeting him and even sorry that She won't remember the whole trip, exhausting and tear-soaked as it was. But I hope She'll still get something out of my telling her about it, because I think it was a real-life Christmas story with a message; the kind that TLC can't even compete with.
Families can be crazy. Mine is no exception. But This Christmas, we all pulled together and were there for Poppy when there were important things to be said, and were there for Nana when she had to let go of someone she had loved for over 70 years. We were there for each other. Christmas is about so many things, but love and family are definitely on that list, waaaay above red bows and sugar cookies.
I asked my baby sister what she thinks happens when someone dies. She told me that she thinks that their spirit gets to go free and fly around the world, wherever that person wants to go, so they can see anything they want to see. Then, when their spirit gets really old too, it goes to heaven, or it might become a new person. Which I think is a really well-rounded theology for and eight-year-old.
I asked her if she understood what it meant that Poppy was dead, and she said yes, and that she knew that he is never going to wake up, never going to come back. And that everyone is sad because they miss him, because he was nice. BUT, she reminded me, we still get to love him, just the same. And probably, he is having fun not being sick anymore. Probably, she guesses, his spirit is flying over to Texas, as we speak.
My Poppy, he was the most stubborn cowboy you ever met. For decades he was too stubborn to die, and until the end he was still pissed off about leaving the ranch in Texas to move to California. So I like M's take on things and I like to look up and think about Poppy and his spirit, flying away to the pastures of El Paso. And I like to think, good for you, Poppy. You fly.
Even though I'm truly heartbroken to have lost such a wonderful person from my life, I'm grateful to have had the gift of being able to get there, of being able to see Little One meet him, of having known him, of being able to say goodbye. And for being reminded what it's all about, what really matters. Thanks, Poppy. I hope I can pass those along to Little One, one day.

"The best gifts around any Christmas tree is the presence of a family, all wrapped up in each other" ~ Burton Hills

I don't have any pictures from the Cali contingent of the Little One fan club, though I assure you Cali represents. It's just that Little One and I were too busy this time, being members ourselves in a different fan club. Poppy's. It's a lifetime membership. But here is a picture of the oldest...ahem...longest participating member of the Poppy fan club with the newest members.
And here is one with Little One's chapter.
And this is Poppy.

Holiday adventures PART 3: White-Hot AZ Christmas

Part two of our Holiday journey involved two more airplanes, Little One keeping up Her angel routine and scoring us more praise and adulation from unlikely strangers.
Now, clearly Little One has made a name for Herself as America's Sweetheart of the Skies, and Her fame had spread throughout the masses and preceded our arrival in AZ.
Once we landed safely at my in-laws house, we were not only reunited with J, but surrounded by his parents, siblings, and grandfather, as well as my mom and step-dad and sister! My dad and littlest sis were on their way, too. It was a big family happiness extravaganza! PLUS the house was pretty well over-run at one point by friends coming from near and far to visit and observe the greatness that is Little One.

At one point, my best friend M and his lovely wife were there. M got all nervous- probably worried that the cuteness of Little One would be so overpowering that Lovely Wife would start hearing a strange ticking in her ears, and begin talking about foreign and frightening things like 'booties', and 'gymboree'.
Obviously, the risk for that was high, given the level of cuteness she was exposed to. But Little One, She's never to busy to help pal. She had M's back. To counteract Her excessive adorableness, She got Herself into position while held on Lovely Wife's lap. Then, as Little One was being bounced up and down with just the right amount of force, her diaper erupted into a spewing, molten flow of baby goo. All OVER Lovely Wife. Ha ha! Good one, Little One! Crisis averted!

We celebrated by having a big fancy Christmas Eve dinner with the whole family.
J's mom made this dinner, so it was like, 6 star quality. No wonder Little One put on Her fancy dress and the extravagant head gear. J, by the way, is a big fan of the headbow. BIG fan! He was almost as impressed by it as he was when I painted the dog's toenails.

I was pretty excited about Christmas coming. I mean, we have Little One now. You know what that means?! IT means that J and I, cast away grown-ups for so many years, are so totally back on Santa's address list. Even though, sure, he's technically coming for Little One, I was sure that he wouldn't leave J and I out completely. And I was right! I found a very special present under the tree.I have to admit, I'm a bit mushy about the whole holiday thing... A bit like cookie-dough ice cream is a "bit" delicious! Having a kid is the the awesomest thing ever for many reasons, but one is how much more fun holidays are. My mind just reels with visions of fireworks, easter eggs, construction paper valentines, and scrawny little trees (arbor day, hello). All that stuff is fun, but with a kid around to get really into the magic and the spirit of things, it is so much better. And the idea of carrying on and forming new family traditions around those days really speaks to me about what it means to be a family.

And this year, the importance and preciousness of family was brought to the absolute forefront of my mind. Because there we were, wrapping paper everywhere and cookie crumbs scattered, when I got a phone call that changed changed everything. The lesson of what not only holidays but life is about, and what matters, was brought on full force and just punched me in the gut on Christmas Day. And it set in motion the next step of our adventure...


A few AZ fan club members:








Some other favorite photos:

"nice to meet ya"

The guys are already fighting over Her. Sheesh.

Posing for fans

True that, Little One's booty. True. That.

PS-

Little One has a birthday wish She'd like to share...

Three months

We interrupt the Holiday Adventures Program to bring you this vital update...

Little One is Three Months Old.
Which means that (*sniffle*) She is no longer, technically, a "newborn". Little One is officially a real baby now. Awww. And She has been working hard to prove it. No more of this immature, newborn business for Her. She's all about the advanced, complex, and sophisticated world of Babydom these days. These are just some of the ways She is asserting Her new identity of "Infant":


She sleeps. What's with waking up all the time? Psht. Kid stuff. Little One (miraculously) has decided that Real Babies get their sleep on at night. She gets her Big Girl story read to Her in Her Big Girl pajamas and goes to bed *in Her Big Girl crib in Her own room* at 7pm every night. And, as of the last two nights She has Xed out her 1:30am snack, so She sleeps away until 4 or 5 am. Then she eats and dozes off again until 7am. Very grown up.

Babies do baby-talk, right? Little One heard about that. So one of Her new hobbies is to have long, deep intellectual conversations with grown ups. She is big enough now to get how a conversation works. So She does it right, with good manners. She will start the conversation off (generally with one of the following topics of interest: "coo", "goo", or "roo") and then watch attentively as the other person responds. Then she will reply ("gurgle, ahhhh, eeep! GOooooo") and then wait for an answer. We have discussed a LOT of important things. She has some excellent points.

Little One also likes to participate in grown up life. Helping vacuum the house is particularly fun, sort of like the baby version of drinking mai tais on the beach. Very zen. As is providing moral support in the kitchen. I mean this is like watching a cooking show with 3-D glasses on! Plus since I'm the one cooking, it's a comedy too!

Other Big Kid interests include anything involving being outside, even when it is cold enough for Her mother's butt to be freezing off. (Almost. If only it would actually freeze OFF, She might get to play outdoors more often.) She likes listening to music, no matter if it is Pavarotti or a parent in the shower. Reading books is also very enjoyable. She is quite studious, and is also working really, really hard at figuring out how those page things turn. She's pretty sure that Babies know this secret, and She's determined to get it soon.

She has a more mature set of friends. The Bee toy is Soooo yesterday. Apparently, a newborn's best friend is just an annoying bug to a Baby. And, to Her dismay, that guy is stalking Her! Every time She goes for a little exercise in Her bounce chair- he's like right there. All up in Her face. She's tried to remove him by physical force, but he's persistent! So She has to tell him off until Her trusted adults come over and escort the dude out. Jerk.

Her new best friend is the nightlight over the changing table. She searches lovingly for it every time She gets up there, smiling and waving at it. And when it's dark enough to be actually lit up- whoa. explosive giggles. Dances of joy. Professions of undying love. This new crush may be why Her new preferred place to be is the changing table. Just plopping Her down there is often enough to stop tears, though removing Her again tends to have the reverse effect.

Her least favorite place to be is anywhere on Her tummy. For a girl who so forcefully resisted being on Her back as a newborn, She certainly has had change of heart. "Tummy Time" produces histrionics which even GERD cannot compete with. We are working on this.

Little One knows that babies put everything into their mouths. She is working hard, doing the Rocky thing with the toys on Her playgym to get the hand-mouth coordination down for that. In the meantime, though, She is like me, and hates germs. So She has begun manufacturing a natural antiseptic, the scientific name for which is "drool". Oh yes. There's not lot of it, but it's definitely there now, and has the added bonus of sometimes turning into bubbles, which Little One thinks is pretty darn cute. And it is.

Even though Little One has been working very hard at all these new things, She really didn't need to convince me. I knew already, because after our big trip, I had to clean out Her closet. Yup, it's really happened. Little One has grown out of Her newborn clothes. Which means that I had to retire all those teensy outfits and the cradel. I confess I'm a bit wistful. I feel like I barely get to soak up each phase before She's on to the next thing. And I actually kind of miss Her when She sleeps so long.

But in the end, I'm pretty proud of Her for doing such a good job at this whole baby thing. And all these changes make me pretty excited for everything that's coming up next. Newborn Little One was pretty awesome, I have to say. But I have a feeling that Baby Little One is going to be super super fun. (Plus now I'll have had enough sleep to remember it!)

Happy Birthday, Little One!

Holiday adventures PART 2: Texas Hoedown

The coolest thing about Texas (sorry Cowboys) was seeing Little One meet Her great-grandparents. Even though She decided to bond with them by giving them flashbacks of their first child- who had really, really bad colic.
It's too bad GERD baby attacked with such force, but fortunately She picked worthy adversaries. These folks have parented and grandparented colicky babies already, so they were not phased. In fact, I was taking notes. The inconsolable crying gradually faded away over the course of our trip, and in fact we had a particularly triumphant evening on December 19th. Which just so happens to be my fabulous sister's birthday.
Because my sister rocks so awsomely, we could not possibly miss her birthday dinner just because it was in a fancy restaraunt and extended past Little One's hours of safety into GERDish time. So Little One put on her party dress, and we chanced it.
Little One cooed and gurgled and giggled at fellow diners. She entertained herself with the enrancing discovery of candlelight, drank a bottle, and passed out right as dinner arrived.
The place was LOUD but Little One didn't care. She was milk-drunk and partied out, so she was unperterbable the entire rest of the evening. Added bonus: She had so much fun She decided that TX is a nice country, after all, and mostly behaved the rest of the time we were there. Yipee-ye-haw to that, ya'll.
Some pictures...

Four generations

At my sister's birthday dinner- actually socializing with other adults

A few members of the TX fan club chapter

This is my cousin, who is by the way a actual rock star. I'd just like to point that out, because it makes the expression on his face all the more priceless. And possibly lucrative, if I decide to use it as blackmail material. Resting up for the next leg of the journey...